Alright, let’s talk about this black tea, you know, the stuff everyone’s always drinkin’. I heard some folks callin’ it “black tea nutrition data,” sounds fancy, but it’s just plain tea to me.

What’s in this black tea anyway? Well, mostly it’s water, like, almost all water. They say it’s like 99.7% water. Can you believe that? You’re payin’ for water with a little bit of somethin’ else in it! And that somethin’ else ain’t much, let me tell ya.

• It ain’t got no protein. Zero. Zip. Nada.
• Then there’s this carb stuff. Not much of that either, only about 0.3%. And they say there ain’t no fiber, so it’s just carbs, I guess.
• And fat? Forget about it! No fat in this here tea.

Now, they got this fancy word, “nutrivore score,” and black tea’s score is real high, like over 3000. They say it’s super good for ya ’cause of somethin’ called “phytonutrients” and “polyphenols.” Sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me, but if it’s good for ya, it’s good for ya, right?

Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. If you got a hundred grams of this tea, that’s like a small cup, maybe. You’re only gettin’ one calorie. One! That’s nothin’. You burn that off just by blinkin’ your eyes. And in that hundred grams, you get a tiny bit of carbs, 0.3 grams they say, and 3 milligrams of sodium. I don’t know what them milligrams are, but it sounds small.

What about that stuff that wakes you up? You know, the caffeine? Yeah, black tea’s got some of that. In a hundred grams, you get about 20 milligrams. They say that’s 5% of what you need for the whole day. And there’s somethin’ else called theobromine, 2 milligrams, they say that’s 3% of what you need for the whole day, but I ain’t never heard of it before. I guess that’s why some folks drink it in the mornin’, to get goin’. Me? I just need a good cup of coffee, but some folks swear by this tea.

Black tea’s got a long history, I hear. Folks have been drinkin’ it for ages, all over the world. And there are all sorts of different kinds, you know, like the fancy ones with the fruity names and the plain old stuff that comes in a box. They all pretty much do the same thing though, far as I can tell. Some taste a little better than others, but it’s all tea at the end of the day.

So, is black tea good for you? Well, I reckon it ain’t gonna hurt ya, unless you drink too much, I guess. Too much of anything ain’t good for ya. It’s mostly water and it’s got that stuff that wakes you up. And it’s got them fancy “phyto-somethings” that are supposed to be good. But it ain’t gonna fill you up, that’s for sure. You ain’t gonna make a meal outta tea. It’s just a little somethin’ to drink, you know?

If you’re lookin’ for calories and protein and all that, you gotta eat somethin’ else. Tea ain’t gonna do it for ya. But if you want a little somethin’ to warm you up or cool you down, and maybe give you a little kick in the pants, then black tea’s just fine.

Now, where did I put my cup? All this talk about tea made me thirsty. And don’t go gettin’ all fancy on me with your “black tea nutrition data.” It’s just tea, plain and simple.

One last thing. If you wanna know more about this tea, they got all sorts of information online. You can look up the calories, the vitamins, whatever you wanna know. Just type in “black tea” and you’ll find it. But don’t get too caught up in all that fancy talk. Just drink it and enjoy it, that’s what I say.

And remember, a good cup of tea is like a good friend, it warms you up from the inside out. Now, go on and have yourself a cup.